The Man Enough podcast. I've been going on about this ever since it started. But this episode just played right into the core of my spirit. Yes there were tears. Because it's not everyday that you get to witness someone who lives and breathes truth and love, is so deeply connected to themselves and who speaks as eloquently as silk feels against your skin. That was Alok V Menon. For me at least. I want to mention a few things that I took away from their (Alok's) words.
But I firstly want to begin by saying that I've kind of been late, almost intentionally, to the 'non binary' and 'transgender' topic. I've heard it circulating for a long time, of course. But I never took the time to learn or understand what their experiences have been, mostly because I've never had any judgement or prejudice or confusion or dislike toward them or 'their cause.' And I thought that much was enough. I guess I just never felt like it had anything to do with me, nor have I had any transgender or non binary people in my life because of whom I've had to learn things. BUT, having watched this episode, I now see how intrinsically connected Alok's message is to what my message has become over this past year. I.e. The fact that we exist is miraculous. Not in the 'let's thank and give credit to a God ' kind of way but in a 'let's revel in this miracle that is life and learn to love and live better as the conscious beings that we are,' way. So please bear with me as I learn and unlearn about language around this space.
That means redefining everything because the structures and systems of today's world serve us so poorly. That means reconnecting to our truest, brightest, most alive selves. That means making space for our own trauma and making space for that of others and figuring out how to create better systems for all the future generations that will come. They said that "learning is the most delightful thing about being alive." Which includes learning when your thoughts and beliefs no longer serve you.
So, today I learnt from Alok, how trans people are such powerful role models for society. These are people that have no other reason to be leaving their homes with beards and dresses at once (their example) other than that they are living entirely truly to themselves. Why else would they be willing to be spat on, ridiculed, judged at every turn? Being your truest self is just that powerful, that no amount of harassment can stop it. It is therefore also very threatening to many people who are not comfortable with who they are. Which happens to be the majority of human beings today.
Alok also beautifully articulated how many of us think of the queer community's struggles as separate to our own, for those of us who don't identify as queer. They said that trans people are not hyper-politically correct, uptight people as they are labelled, rather they are people who are daring to challenge the notions of 'us and them;' a concept that I have come across countless times in my reading this year, from Dalai Lama to neuroscientist, Robert Sapolsky. It is clear that this 'us and them' construct that we're raised in does more harm than good. What is your understanding of us and them? How does it play out in your own life? How many groups and categories have you decided you belong to, labelling the rest of the world as 'them?'
I learnt about how the gender binary system has been imposed on us at a specific point in history; I learnt again about how each individual's growth through their own trauma is absolutely vital to the progression of society; I learnt how people are not ready to heal because we are so comfortable in our conditioning.
"We keep on mistaking prison as another home"
"The only gender rule is that there are no rules"
"Man and woman only mean what you need them to mean for you, and people hear that as a threat and not an invitation because of trauma, because they're afraid of possibility."
I learnt about different perspectives of feminism and how to do it better, about how we should be fighting for real freedom for all, and that means giving trans and non binary people space at the front of the line too because freedom fighting needs to be inclusive otherwise it's just looking for an opportunity to have our own monopoly and power.
I learnt about how the legislative attack on trans people is also an attack on all of us, because the same legislation attempts to continue to define gender and sex in a fixed way, in a way that the rest of us also have to continue to abide by, generation after generation.
Alok also said " White, cis, straight men don't have community, they have hyper-isolation and hyper-disassociation that they mistake as personality."
If you're offended by that please check if you're a white, cis, straight man. I for one, felt that to be so true, after all, what would white, cis, straight men bond over? The success of their kind in colonising and marginalising anyone else that wasn't white, cis and straight? Broken and confined under the pressure of their own system that serves precisely them too so poorly?
"Vulnerability is the basis of community." Vulnerability has also been banned by all accounts in this society as we know it.
Another of the great nuggets from this episode was that "compassion is more important than comprehension" You don't need to understand transgender, non-binary people or anyone really, to extend to them compassion and respect and empathy. That's it. Compassion > comprehension. It seems so simple yet so many of us fail at precisely this. We get so caught up in our own ego stories, our own struggles, our own opinions that we forget that there are other ways of living, other ways of thinking and being. We become intolerant and afraid and any different perspective or person living in their power becomes threatening to our existence.
And lastly, something that I'd already begun to understand and what was repeated in this episode is that this shift in thinking feels radical, it is radical. Of course it is. It is radical love, radical acceptance, radical compassion and mercy. And it is so damn necessary.
I really hope some of you take the time to watch and absorb this episode. It is available on YouTube on the 'We Are Man Enough' channel, on Spotify, Apple podcasts etc.
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